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7 Ways to Calm Down When You Have No Privacy

If we had a dollar for every time that one of us got upset and had no privacy to calm down and regain our composure, some of us would have a down payment for a new car right now. Especially during this quarantine, it can be easy for arguments to escalate simply from the constant lack of privacy in shared spaces.

High-stress situations at work, in front of a group or even during a family outing can cause even the most zen individual to want to scream! 

As crazy as it sounds, there are just certain times where you have to physically remain and cannot leave/go to the restroom/get some privacy when you feel yourself becoming upset. Some situations to use these calming techniques are:

When you are stuck in traffic

Commuting on public transportation

During a group meeting (at work or school)

During a one-to-one evaluation or receiving feedback from a supervisor

When teaching or presenting in front of a group

When waiting in line

On an elevator

Stuck in the house

During a crowded event

So, what can you do when you just need to calm down but leaving the area for privacy is not an option? Try these 7 options separately or together.

  1. Say nothing and think of a happy or funny memory. No snappy comeback, just silence, all while you stay mindful of your breath and your body. Distract your mind by thinking of pleasant memories.
  2. Do a body scan and pay attention to areas where your body feels tense (arms, shoulders, hands, legs or feet). To release physical tension and help to calm your anger, squeeze the body area three times, for five seconds each. Repeat as necessary. Squeezing a stress relief ball can also help. 
  3. Slowly turn your gaze away from the person or group causing you stress and close your eyes for 10-20 seconds. This is great if you are seated at a meeting and cannot leave the room, such as during a staff or group meeting.
  4. Take deep, slow breaths and silently count to ten in your head.
  5. Repeat a soothing mantra to calm and ground yourself. Writing the mantra down on paper over and over can help also.

Try these mantras: 

“This too shall pass.”

“This moment is temporary.”

6. Write. Find a scrap of paper and discreetly just scribble, doodle or jot down words that describe your feelings. Do not write an email or use phone notes app! Be sure to keep the paper private (tear the paper up when done writing or put in your pocket or purse, safe from any prying eyes.) Carrying a small notebook for this purpose helps, too! Just keep your writing private-do not vent or tell anyone what you wrote down. This act can help you release what you feel despite being unable to verbally say it at that moment.

7. If the situation allows, stand up, stretch and slowly walk toward another part of the room. Just stand still and be mindful of your breathing for 1-2 minutes as you allow your tense feelings to subside. Sometimes just looking out of the window distracts your mind from your current situation, which can be calming. Slowly return to your seat/area.

Let me know how these work for you! Share in the comments what you do to calm yourself when privacy is not an option.